I've come to realise that I don't want to live in a society like this. The never ending advertisement, being told how to live and what makes you happy, the constant consumerism, I hate it all. I hate the stress of money, having to pay for bare essentials like a roof over your head or food when these days, even if you get a good education you're not guaranteed a well paying job.
I hate that people spend so much of their time in jobs that they hate just because someone else decided that's how things should be, and they don't have a choice. We've always been taught that the end goal is to become financially stable, get married, and have kids so that they can do the same. We compromise happiness, and trick ourselves into thinking it's okay because it's only 40 hours a week that we spend at a job we don't like. If you get a job you actually enjoy then you're 'lucky', it's not common because there are so many more shit jobs that need to be done.
We're in a new age of living, surrounded by big coprations and constant consumption, we get guilt tripped and blamed by giant companies for global pollution and tricked into thinking using a paper straw will make any sort of a dent in the damage these factories and processing plants have done. Then we try to fill the void caused by the exhaustion of the modern day with things that we're tricked into believing make us happy. Fast food, alcohol, and social media are just a few. We have a government that makes important life decisions for us, that takes our money and let's us starve.
I feel trapped. I don't belong here. I want to live a life where I feel secure, where I feel free and happy. I want to look forward to my future instead of being afraid of whether or not I'll be able to afford one. I'm not against working hard, I've been a high achiever all my life, I just want my efforts to bring happiness. I'm spending the next three years in university, after that I might go for a PHD, something that'll allow me to travel and experience different places, simple living, communes and tribes, self sufficiency.
I want to get out of this vicious financial cycle and constant expectation of something more. Until then, I'm lucky enough to be in a stable place, where I can live in the moment for years without worrying about homelessness or working dull jobs like in the past. Just thinking about being able to escape this version of life is a relief. I'm happy that I've woken up to this realisation, I've been a zombie, trudging through life for so long and now I finally feel as though I can free myself.
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