Spiritual journey of a teenager.

Kindly note that I'm currently 16 so excuse if I make any wrong/inaccurate statements. It all started when I was around 13. I was born a Hindu and was really interested in the mythological stories that my grandmother and dad told me. Still was a little skeptical though. Fast forward to 2 years, I turned 15 and became a hardcore atheist, I would reject all rituals, prayers or anything related to religion that my family used to do. My father always used to tell me: " One has to go through the dark nights of doubt to see the light of god". I used to think that dad was just saying that to make me believe in god, but I understand meaning of that statement now.

One night I was sitting on the roof of my house looking at the stars, then a sudden realization of "smallness "(if that's the right word), came .It was so sudden, like a sudden thunder has descend upon on me. I was amazed by the hugeness of the universe., all of my identities were shattered, I realized what I truly was. My earlier self was with a very strong ego, full of revolt, and anger . But after this experience, I was extremely humbled. I felt that I was a fool before, a very big one actually. I wanted to replicate that experience, that humbless. So I would sit for hours doing nothing, but it still wont hit me. The thunder wasn't descending. Then I realized, I was TRYING, DESIRING to have that experience, and it happened when I WASNT desiring it,so I learnt that peace comes when you don't demand it, it will come by itself, just wait. Wait is the most important. Then I came to my conclusion of who/what god is: The emptiness, the peace,the essence of existence, the universal conciousness, whatever you call it, I cant explain, words fall short explaining that experience, I just cant.

Now I started reading other masters like:Buddha, Osho,Allan Watts and Eckhart Tolle. I read alot of them but realized that I need to find truth in myself. Although I learnt a lot from them, but Truth can't be found in a 10$ book, I can read a 1000 books about god and spirituality but I will remain as ignorant as I was when I was born. So, now I'm not 100% devoted spiritualist like the monks who meditate for 13-14 hours, I meditate very little but whatever I do, may it be walking my dog, watering the plants or making tea, I do it with full of joy and love and most importantly; awareness. I write a lot of poetry to express what I'm feeling but words do little justice.

Currently I'm not doing any spiritual practice in particular, I'm just living moment to moment, dancing with ecstasy in the cosmic dance. Enlightenment will come when it will, let me live this moment first.

Wanted to share my experience with like minded individuals, do comment if you would like to suggest me anything.

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