I want to share an experience for all to see, and not necesarily believe me, this is not the point, I guess I want to hear thoughts or opinions about it, not to be convinced otherwise, I believe what I experienced was more real than life itself.
Back when this whole Covid 19 pandemic started, I lost my job and began to had a severe case of anxiety. I was too concerned to go out because I was afraid of both getting Covid or having it and making someone sick or worst.
Being on lock up didn't help my anxiety one bit, and I couldn't get medicated because I had no money left.
I often would put relaxing music to calm down and eventually became interested in alternative methods. I heard of meditation and looked up instructions on how to meditate, and I came across guided mindful meditation.
I learned everything from noting, not forcing your thoughts to stop and instead let them be and let them go. Focus on breath. Sit with the spine firm but shoulders relaxed.
I did this and the first day I felt a little good, a week later I felt like something was changing in me. I trusted meditation because I understand science, but I didn't believe in God anymore, in 2009 I had lost my faith.
So after 3 months meditating, at 6 pm, I decided to meditate and left youtube to autoplay meditation music, and I focused on my breath. Later the music cuts and doesn't autoplay, but I decided to let it be and just focus on my breath.
Later my attention was over the sounds around me, my heart beat, the birds outside, the neighbors dog, cars passing by on the street. And as I listened to all these sounds I remembered Alan Watts once saying to hear all the sounds but not label them or try to make sense of them, just to hear all the sounds as if they were all the same, and so I did just that.
At first it seemed like it was hard because I knew what each sound was, but the less attention I paid to my thoughts, the more the sounds began to sound exactly the same, and all sound became one sound, a constant tone that its hard to explain, but the closest thing to it is oommmm.
Suddenly in my mind I started to see flashing images of people of all races, all ages, wearing different clothes and smiling. Then I felt like I was all of them at the same time. I felt like the earth, like the plants, like the animals, like the air, like atoms, like the whole universe, and for that moment it felt familiar to me, like its always been this way.
When I came to I was on my body again, but as I opened my eyes, ever since then, the world looks different. Like life force is everywhere and everything is consiousness. I was so out of myself that when I looked in the mirror I couldn't recognize my own face.
It took me days where I felt a huge gap between my true consciousness and my ego it took a while to ground myself and now use my ego to my advantage instead of denying it.
I am however convinced there is a God or conscoiusness or the universe, however you wanna call it, because God is literally everything, all of the gods, all of the multiverse, even you.
Thank you for reading if you read this long story of mine lol, anyway its been 8 to 9 months meditating and my life has changed for the best. As long as you trust everything will be ok.
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