Stalkers and mommy issues


I was not really sure on how to title this so please bear with me. I had an unwanted but potentially necessary experience with a stalker.

I had unaddressed childhood issues I sort of buried and I think it actually made me stuck where I stayed in contact with my trash fire family, who seemed to always try bring me down either by not supporting me emotionally, constant put downs, or constantly trying to control and trap me in passive ways. It wasn't just emotional abuse but also physical abuse, neglect, verbal abuse, and some sexual abuse in childhood/the past that was just swept under the rug and pretend it didn't happen while my family was in its third known generation of abuse. On top of that I was in a job I hated and I think my mother was trying to stop me from finding other work. Originally I lost my job and had to move back home with mommy who first would give me shit for not having a job then had a fit when I got a job and started meeting people. I later moved out so she started bringing me plants and pets I didn't want- I think to make it harder for me to relocate or go on trips. She also was happy I ended up hating the job. I later realised she was trying to isolate me as much as possible.

At work I had a creepy coworker who went from infatuation to straight up stalking. He is potentially a narcissist or psychopath just having no empathy and being insane. I almost went insane trying to rationalise his behaviour and honestly I probably never will since he is so illogical yet in a weird way his stalking resurfaced the memories I tried to bury and made me seek therapy then me moving tf away. I hated pretending nothing happened plus somehow my stalker reminded me of my mother despite looking nothing alike, being male, and 20 years younger. I wasn't allowed privacy as a child and he definitely invaded that. He in general was super demented towards me from hating me and running a smear campaign against me to wanting to be around me and sending me creepy gifts. With the whole turning up at my house at night, watching me sleep, and stealing my underwear factor. There is a complete novel on what he did, the legal issues, moving, and changing jobs but my mother actually joked about his stalking and even said I should marry the weird fuck.

I almost had a mental breakdown between the issues with the stalker and my mother. There's a lot more to this but in the end I continued therapy and started getting into spiritualism. My take on this awful situation is breaking the family cycle of abuse, trusting my intuition more, establishing boundaries, and a sense of clarity. I have changed jobs again, cut contact with my family, and relocated where I am preparing for a new start in 2021. In only a few months of cutting contact from people especially my mother it feels like I have a clearer mind and sense of self, I feel more connected to other people and alive than I have in years.

In regards of the stalker after thinking about it with the obvious mental illness he has, I have considered he has his own mommy issues that he takes out on women. Though I may have somehow reminded him either of his own mother or was a mommy figure he wanted. There was times before I was aware of his stalking/obsession he would randomly spout information to me about his mother, between his hot and cold behaviour he would also try impress me and show me things like a child showing a toy despite being a grown man, when I confronted him on things or ignored him he would literally sulk like a baby, it was like he hated me but desperately needed my attention and approval. I also wouldn't be surprised if he was abused in similar ways I was. It was a wild ride but in a way its helping me heal and continue on.

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