It was suggested I start putting my thoughts out here to hopefully find others on the same path and with similar thoughts or with insight that can resolve misunderstandings I may have. Here is a thought flow from this morning during my 5am wake and bake. (Hope you enjoy)

Everyday I try my best to remember how to feel unconditional love and forget how to feel anger. Everyone is becoming less individual, the line between ourselves is becoming the line that connects us. When I see people happy or sad I feel an intense understanding of what that is like. When I am with my roommate and he yells at a worker of a store I feel the discomfort and sadness of that person, I feel it because I’m just as much him as my roommate is. I believe a part of that yelling is to just release pain, because that’s what my anger thought it was accomplishing. I think we try too way too hard to show others that we’re right and that they have to be wrong, we don’t like the idea that we could be wrong. Often people don’t like to hear things said they we don’t agree with, but if all you hear is things that say you’re right, is it worth hearing? Some have the “luxury” of being able to avoid things they don’t like, but in doing so they’re inviting worry and stress into their mind. Their avoidance just leads to a cycle of worrying over times that aren’t even happening yet. If I tell you, “you’ll die in a crash in 3 days, but don’t worry” right before you embark on a 6 day drive you may start to worry. How silly it is that we spend so much time acting like we even remotely know enough about the universe to hold such confidence in our worries. But still we have so many worrying and avoiding hardship, some people seem to torture themselves for their whole existence chasing this story of the “life without discomfort.” What even is discomfort you may ask, you’d get a list of similar answers, most in the area of “something that makes a person feel physically uncomfortable.” Now the thing I suggest that you seek out discomfort, leave your comfort zone for a moment. I have learned lessons from starvation and hardship that I would have before assumed to come from wealth and control. Lessons I’ve gotten from moments where I thought I would die or suffer indefinitely. In moments where I thought they were my last I have had the opportunity to sit there with my thoughts, they aren’t always the same ones, but never are they negative. If you’re sitting on a mountain 50 miles from civilization knowing you only have hours left if you will live, why is it that a thought of those you love and remembering their faces would be sad? I had spent 15 years knowing my two best friends, I wasn’t thinking “oh no I won’t get 15 more” how selfish it would be of me in that moment to feel that that 15 years of my life were worth less that time that may never come. Even with that said I’ve spent my whole life worrying and wondering, I’d always second guess myself and feel I needed to get a second answer. As should be expected the answers I’d get would conflict in all ways but one, and that was that they all claimed their way was right. Even when three people said to turn right on the path they’d have three different views of where the path would lead or what way you should turn right. I’ve had many guides in my life from all walks of life, and thought all thought it was them alone who were right, I honestly don’t think they all realized just how much they were the same person. I’ve recently experienced what I considered falling back on progress I’ve made in my personal growth, but I think that in trying to personalize who I am in a certain moment It may be in fact limiting my ability to coexist with the reality of change. What I mean is that it feels that in these down times I find it easier to identify my person with my emotions, but in times where I was feeling positive and happy emotions I was instead not recognizing myself as anything individual but rather seeing my consciousness as having an equal role to the subconscious and unconscious. We have thousands of different thoughts throughout the day, so if we associate our being with a thought or feel from the emotions we are ignoring all else that guides our being. My best friend was recently having a bad anxiety attack, he had been going through many extremely high stress life events at the time. He allowed everything to build up and had done such a good job of hiding it from himself that in the moment he truly had no idea what could be causing his anxiety. Often he’ll tell me about these problems and then when I attempt to work with him on becoming aware of how to manage these feelings he feels more comfortable just burying them down for the next anxiety attack. There can not be a person who is negative or positive; nothing is good or bad unless you see if from that perspective. Evil is just a role with give to those playing a part in life that we do not like. During World War Two the Allies and the Axis, as I was raise to call them, fought a huge bloody battle that cost the lives of tens of millions of people. Growing up I was raised to believe that Hitler was just someone who was always evil, that he rose to power because of equally evil people filling the streets calling for the blood of Jews. You would have shocked me greatly had you were to go back to when I was learning about these tragedies and you were to show me a photo that I only just saw yesterday, it was a picture of German POWs being forced by the allies to watch footage of the Nazi concentration camps. Why it would shock me is because the Germans closed their eyes and covered their faces with fear and sadness with the shock of this information that made them regret their part, these soldiers who were taken as prisoners for murdering Allie troops cried when they saw when others were doing to citizens. People often ask, “How can their be God who created all, but he neglects us, or created evil?” It is man who is doing what you say is God’s fault, WWII, police brutality, and all the famine in Yemen and Africa. We often point at people who say, “without religion what stops you from committing rape or murder?” And then say of them that it’s proof religion is bad because those people feel it’s only God stopping them, but then I ask you to look at the West, realize that it’s those crimes that we are seeing here where we do not believe except in the lies of what used to be Christianity. Just like how a political system that places one person as a leader can never have true equality, a religion that worships a One as an individual can never lead people to realize we are all One expressing itself as the universe. We have the problem in the modern day of religions being altered to allow for power and control. Intellectuals have long fought against this power hold on religions, but unfortunately have mistaken the problem to be existence since the origin of all religions. Religions have been documented to be tens of thousands of years old and to have spanned out of the worship of animals and use of psychedelics. Those who refuse to look into religions are left with the ignorance of believing there is no God, those who just follow a faith are left with the ignorance of believing there is a God, But those to take the time to study their faith and religion will learn the truth that we are all the One True God. I believe the earth exists like a living being. The lava and gases and weather give the tools for life. Heat, light, nutrients, all comes from them earth. The animals, plants, fungi, bacteria, etc all regulate that which isn’t conscious and all that isn’t conscious fuels that which is living. All living things are equally important. We see elephants, dolphins, and chimps communicate and interact with their environments yet we often look at them as something detached from us. I think that that what we learn from consciousness and psychedelics should prove to us that we aren’t more important or special in comparison to other living beings. I think we work as the system of the body of Earth in the way our gut biome works for us or insects and flowers work to form a garden. Maybe we are just bolts in the machine of earth and life is just a result in the same way as the surface area of mentos with Coke causing the air to spread is so often mistaken to be a chemical reaction.

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