As I get older (currently 24) I notice that I have been developing extreme emotions toward the death of anything that dies.
I'm terrified of bugs, when there's a spider in my apartment I get so scared I start laughing. Yet if Iend up killing it (or any insect) I feel awful. Like I took the life of a living creature no matter how small.
I don't grow plants because I get super sad if they die. I feel horrible and like a pos for not doing a good enough job taking care of the plants.
I have a 40 gallon aquarium that has around 3 small fish and a couple snails and I'm afraid to get more fish because I've had some die months ago and I felt like I was a monster for letting them die. If I see one of my fish is dying and that there's no chance for recovery I ask my fiance to put them out of their misery. I just can't seem to do it myself. I hate seeing something suffer.
I've broken down crying several times because of all the death happening from covid. It's really been weighing down on me despite not having any direct loss.
Is this normal? Do people typically think like this or is this weird? How do you guys feel when something dies? | (excluding family members/pets) I feel like my feelings towards this are not normal but I could be wrong?
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense its 5am and it was on my mind.
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