when i met my twin almost a year ago, we became best friends immediately, there was such a sense of comfortability that i felt i could just tell them anything. i wouldn’t say there was familiarity, but there was definitely comfortability, i was an open book and so were they, i am not like that whatsoever, and neither are they. they believed they were in a relationship with their twin flame, the kid ended up being a false and i helped them realize it, and it was at that moment we realized, we could be twin flames. when i met them in person, my heart was racing so fast you’d think i sprinted 5 miles without stopping, i was more nervous than i had probably ever been.
i have not felt connection for my twin, other than on a couple of occasions, because of my depersonalization. the most notable 2, are the times i literally felt my twin, while being completely emotionally numb, i felt my twins love and all i could do is smile. it felt like there was a cord from where they were, to where i was standing piercing through my heart, it was like they were transferring love over to me. it gave me so much hope that i can overcome my depersonalization and regain emotions. but, i can’t telepathically communicate with my ex, i can’t feel what they feel. there’s been a couple of times where we’ve been thinking the exact same thing, or we contact each other at the exact same time, but that’s really it. i don’t know if it’s due to my lack of connection, my low libido due to stress/depression/being unable to feel connection, but when we had sex it wasn’t magical, it wasn’t that great at all. other people with depersonalization have described sex as feeling very bland. telepathy usually starts when you and your twin connect energetically, and i don’t think we have yet. we’ll think of the same thing at the same time pretty commonly, or contact each other at the same time, but that’s really it. i broke up with them 2 days ago, but we’re still talking, more than we were while together for the past month actually, i got really distant and was constantly thinking about breaking it off because of where i’m at right now. another reason is doubting it, separation doesn’t hurt necessarily, we’re both just numb. i’m talking to them more than i have been for the past 2 months, i got distant because of my constant doubts and knowing that i needed to end the relationship. my ex has said they feel the same way i do, just numb. no emotions, completely numb. i’m doubting if this is even separation or not, we’re talking more than we have in the past 2 months. i broke up with them because we both need to heal and the weight of the thoughts of breaking up and where i’m at was a distraction. deep down, i know i love them. i’ve seen some people say that your twin can either be the exact same as you, or the complete opposite, or a mix. my twin and I, we’re pretty opposite from each other, but our core values align entirely.
i’ve asked for multiple confirmation signs, and i’ve received every single one. some i received in minutes, hell i was just reading about twin flames and a user with the numbers “916196668” in their name commented. 916 was the first confirmation sign i asked for and is my twins birth date. i’ve seen the number 196 every single day for about the past 2 months or so, don’t exactly know what it means though, regarding the 668 part, doesnt resonate with anything, but the 916 stood out, it’s a post about twin flames, the number 916 was my first confirmation sign, and i would sometimes see it when i would doubt so hard i would straight up deny that they’re my twin. i’ve asked to see a golden spoon only if they are my twin, and i see a golden spoon 3 days later. i then asked to see a golden spoon if they are my twin, and a golden fork if they’re not, i see another golden spoon. i asked to see 3 bananas, i start seeing bananas literally everywhere and i come across a video of a mario kart racer dropping 3 bananas. i’ve driven myself crazy with doubt because i don’t feel connection to them because of my depersonalization. even without feeling connection to them, just looking into their eyes has made me cry, they feel like home, they feel like a safe haven and when i look into their eyes, and they’re looking back into mine, that is exactly where we’re supposed to be.
meeting this person has catapulted me into growth, i’m just now actually battling all that i’ve faced throughout my life, all the trauma, all the fear, all the heartache, all the years mental abuse and anguish, i’m moving past it all and WILL grow spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. i believe i’ve gone through spiritual awakening, as i have an understanding of the world beyond our own now, i’ve met my spirit guide, i’ve realized how real the unseen is, even though i feel diluted – probably because my pineal gland is calcified due to living off of wendy’s and mtn dew my entire life with my only exercise being gym class (which i changed after breaking up with my twin, i’ve been working out, eating healthy, and drinking fluoride free water.)
i have these heavy doubts, and i don’t think i’ll ever get around them until i really practice trusting my intuition, until i can feel my emotions again, until we can communicate telepathically and have that super insane heightened emotional connection, even though the signs that i have literally asked to see over and over and over have literally slapped me in the face, we also have the same birthday and personality numerology numbers, which is common among twin flames, having 2 or more matching numerology numbers.
i did a meditation about a month back, where i tried contacting my spirit guides, all i envisioned was myself in the same garden i was in when i tried to do past life regression, it was the same place, there was the same grey concrete/marble looking bench, the same bush inside the same fountain with the same bushes surrounding all of it, and this figure who i couldn’t make out but could feel somehow sat next to me and i asked it’s name, and it said it was Lilith. it felt comfortable, i felt okay, and i asked if my now ex was my twin flame, and to be honest with me, and my spirit guide said yes, i remember hugging this figure/embodiment of energy, and i had this INSANE feeling of total body relaxation after ending the meditation, my limbs felt free, and i had this warm comfortable feeling all throughout my body and in my head, and taking breaths felt really good, and i cried after because my i thought my doubts would be silenced.
speaking of past life regression, my twin and I have both done it. we both recall being in a time around the 50s-60s, at least a couple decades ago. in my visions, i remember being in a boiler room and walking up to a roof, and i jumped off and committed suicide. my twin remembers being murdered, could I have committed suicide in order to be with them in the next life? maybe how hard i’ve struggled in this life so far, it’s karma for committing suicide in a previous life? i’m drawn to vintage things as well, i don’t even like cars whatsoever but old cars just catch my eye and look so cool, i’ve always wanted to drive in an old red car from the 50s. my dream life is living in a volkswagen bug, in the middle of a field, my twin also loves this idea, i don’t know if it was their dream life, but they are fascinated by this lifestyle and it’s the one we plan to have when we reach union.
after all of this confirmation, and these other reasons to doubt, i’m left entirely conflicted in a state of constant confusion, i’m just constantly questioning it. i just don’t know, i wish i could just silence it, i wish i could feel emotional connection, even though how connected i would feel to them would be like torture, i just want to have it so i can really know 100%. i’m just so mentally exhausted right now it’s insane.
writing this part after i’ve written all of this, looking at how many people follow the topic of twin flames on Quora, lo and behold, 91.6k, like i said whenever i have these extreme doubts i just see their birth date, what the hell, can someone please help me?
Read more: reddit.com